My cat gives me a boner
you win again, gameday.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
