i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
