In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dear god my vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
