Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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