hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
