never play flip cup with pint glasses
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
