i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
