just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
