Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I party with great urgency now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
