capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
