K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
