I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
