So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
