Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize