So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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