Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
