So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
