Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
