i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
