Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
