Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your cock deserves a montage
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
