woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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