My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
