And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
