I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize