I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
