remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
