o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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