I feel great
I just peed on a car
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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