Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Randomize
