Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
