i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
