a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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