Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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