What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
