I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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