My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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