She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize