any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
