I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
