so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
