I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
