Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
