Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
