How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's never too late to be topless.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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