It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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