How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
handjob tips. give me some.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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