Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
