You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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