Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
