I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
