The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
