I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
