my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Shame is for Republicans.
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