I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
