If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You're like the curious george of whores
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize