i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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