I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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