i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
