I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
