He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
