ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
