when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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