I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
