thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's never too late to be topless.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
