I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
