just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
