Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish my penis had a tongue
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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