he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize