dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
