I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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