no. you can't hotbox the world.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
